Fear and Loathing in Fort Lauderdale

"We were somewhere over Miramar, when the Citalopram withdrawal began to take hold..."

Backstory:

My jeep starting being hard to start and began choking out at low rpms about a month ago. The problem got progressively worse until 2 weeks ago when it took me over 1/2 an hour just to get it started. I asked my dad, brother, and uncle what they thought the problem was, and since they all agreed that the symptoms were pretty general, I decided to take it into the dealership to get a sure diagnosis. They told me it was the timing chain, and quoted me $900 to replace it. I called my mechanic, who is an awesome guy who I've used several times before and he quoted me $300 for the timing chain. The dealership charged me $100 for the diagnosis and I took it back to my house. My mechanic bought the parts and came over. I was standing behind him when he took the cover off of the timing chain and even I could tell immediately that there was nothing wrong with it. Fuckingcocksuckingdicklickingshiteatingcuntass dealership motherfuckers lied to me and stole $100.

Over the next few weeks, my mechanic came over every day and worked in 100+ degree heat trying to figure out what the problem was. In the meantime, I'm without wheels, relying on the gf for rides to and from work and pretty much f'ed if I wanted to go anywhere else.

The jeep has 150k miles on it, so I knew the time was coming to get a new car anyway. I'd been looking on craigslist, cars.com, and the like. Last week, I saw a Hyundai Azera on cars.com. I'd never even heard of that model before, but it looked cool, so I started doing research. The more I learned, the better the deal looked. I called on it, then test drove it 2 thursdays ago. I liked it. I knew it was a good deal. I told the dealer I'd think about it over the weekend (just to not buy on impules and make sure it was "meant to be"). I decided on Saturday morning that I was for sure going to buy it. I called him first thing monday morning. Of course, he had sold it about 8pm sunday night. Fuckingcocksuckingdicklickingshiteating powers that be fucked me and stole my new car.

So here I am, no leads on any good deals, no clue as to what's wrong with my jeep and how long it will take to fix and how much it will cost.

I don't know why, but for some reason I snapped. There was a lot of other stressful shit in my life to go along with this situation, so maybe that had something to do with it. Regardless, I proceeded to go on ebay and bid on 37 cars. At one point I was the leader in $76,000 worth of auctions. I wasn't even really looking at what I was bidding on. It was ridiculous. This was on Wednesday during the day at work.

That night I got home and monitored the auctions while watching UT get spanked by LSU in the college world series. In the end, I ended up getting outbid on all but one automobile: a 2006 Hyundai Elantra GT in Miramar, FL with 50,000 miles on it. I had won it for $5000.

To Be Continued...

Stock Picks

1. Ivanhoe Energy (IVAN) - I'm heavily invested in this beaten down oil small cap. Their schtick is that they have technology which makes refining heavy (dirty) oil cheap. They have deals in place in Ecuador, Canada, China, and Iraq. Most of the oil in the world cannot be used right now because it is too heavy. If this company has the answer to that problem, hello retirement for Jakey. Warning: don't gamble with $ you can't afford to lose.

2. Qwest Communications (Q) - They've been beaton down over the last 10 years because of their 2001 corporate fraud scandal, but they are paying a ridiculous 8% dividend and are one of the only companies keeping AT&T from an antitrust suit.

3. General Electric (GE) - The financial crisis beat them down, but the stock price took a much worse dive than it deserved. They are one of the most stable companies in the world. They're not going anywhere.

4. Duke Energy (DUK) - Doing a lot to be out front on the alternative energy tip while simultaneously profiting from carbon energy. Pays a steady, spectacular 6% dividend.

5. AT&T (T) - Their financials are very healthy and they pay a high dividend (6.8%).

Grain of salt. Don't ask me why after a 2 month blogging hiatus I decided to post this. No news on the music tip.