I went to see 311 with a few friends. The ticket was free. I hate 311. The opening band, State Radio, was actually pretty good. I had tried to keep an open mind about 311, but once they came on and I looked around at the smattering of tools, turds, douches, skanks, and wannabes in attendance, I knew there was no hope of me enjoying myself. So, I got out my iPhone and kept a running diary of my random thoughts during the show.
If all the turds go missing I know who stole them.
Elevendouche with state radiohotts.
I didn't know Allan sang in 311.
I've literally died and gone to hell.
Nice vocal effects, frampton.
Tiny Mexican douche on the non-contributor tip.
Sir, I hate you...over and over again.
Is this a play? Because it sure isn't music.
I seriously need to change my life.
You guys make me want to gouge my ears.
Nice wristbands, calidouche.
These $4.50 beers are the least shitty thing here.
Cool, I know this song...and I hate it.
Can I ask for my money back even if I didn't buy the ticket?
I've never wished cerebral palsey on someone, but I'm about to.
Quick, get drunk before we realize what's become of us!
Is he actually pretending to play guitar??!
'Come original'?! WTF.
One of these dudes' dads better be a record executive.
Now i know how jihads start. Middle easterners equate us with 311.
Acnedouche with grubbyhotts.
Did that dude bring his 6 yr olds here? I'm calling CPS.
Late 90s douche with naivetehotts.
I saw a cover band once at bennigans that made me want to kill myself. They were better than 311.
Hating aside, I do respect the gaggle of whores just offstage.
Poor lead guitarist. He can actually play. he must be on heroin. It's the only way he could do this. Like how they kidnap those Croatian whores and feed them heroin and send them to Dubai.
Am I really Smelling old spice?
Scentidouche with stupidity hotts.
There's always that one old ass dude dancing like a motherfucker but you wonder if he's even aware where he is or if he just didn't survive the 60s. I'd rather be him.
Librarianhotts with beerguzzlebag.
Ok. I admit it, their drummer is badass.
A member of your band is named dj esse Martinez. That's really all that needs to be said.
Laker jerseydouche with tinyhotts.
Bathroomdouche with skittishhotts.
A lot of people are here just because that dude is Mexican. A lot.
If I hooked up with a hot chick here, I'd do her. Then murder her. For liking 311 and all.
Jerzdouchenbass knows scales. Good for him.
You know how Beavis and butthead felt about gwar? I feel the opposite about 311.
I wish it were 2012 so these turds would get covered in molten lava.
I may evict my roommate based only on the fact that he reminds me of the lead singer of 311.
How can so many beautiful women like such a horrible horrible thing?
Badtastenhotts with luckendouche.
This guy bumped into me. He goes 'sorry'. I go 'do you like this band'? He's all 'hell yeah'! I go 'let's fight'.
Cowardouche with disappearing hotts.
A new holocaust? This is as good a place as any.
Asparagus eatendouche with stinkygoldenshowerhotts.
A dude with downs syndrome is having the time of his life. It's the first time I've ever thought someone with downs needed to be punished.
Militantdouche with luckyformepacafisthotts.
If gary Coleman had a bad dream, the soundtrack would be 311.
I have no idea what that means.
Alternahotts with whatthefuckendouche.